I’ve been thinking a lot about my life lately and all the different phases and how simultaneously, I’ve become so many different things at once and it can feel overwhelming sometimes and as if you’re juggling a thousand things at the same time and dropping the ball is not an option. It can be a little bit crazy, like that big run on sentence I just threw at you. My thoughts have very little pauses these days haha.
Getting back to work after three months of absolute disconnect and complete bliss of just bonding time with the baby was difficult. It took me a hot minute to get back into the groove of things and it’s not easy. Working from home is no longer an option at my job and since Nate isn’t in daycare and I refuse to leave him alone with a stranger (aka nanny), we’ve had to make sacrifices where either I take a vacation day to stay home with him or Joey misses work to stay with him now and then when we don’t have anyone to look after him. It breaks my heart a little because there’s nothing more that I wish than to have the freedom to work remotely & be there with him and for him when no one else can. He is our responsibility after all.
When you’re expecting a baby, people tell you so much— most of it unsolicited advice and quite frankly, half of it you’ll find useful and the other you won’t really agree with and that’s okay! We all parent differently and in our own unique ways; there’s no handbook for this life-long career 😉
I will tell you this, though— you become a mother when you have your baby in your arms (adopted or biological). You become a mother when you spend days that turn into nights without eating and barely sleeping. You become a mother when you realize all that ever seemed remotely important before is nothing short of insignificant compared to what matters now. You become a mother when you view the world in a different light— a light brought upon by this little being that now rules your world (and your time). When I became a mother, I changed. I know I did. I no longer wanted to do things to please others and I didn’t spend time worrying about bullshit that might have otherwise gotten to me in ‘my previous life’, as I call it. My views on life shifted and I became the woman I was born to be. I started making a plan for myself, my family, and where I wanted to be in the next few years. Becoming a mother allowed me to hold myself to a standard of grace and not perfection. Sneakers, Starbucks, headbands and high-waisted jeans became my best friend. And why shop for myself when I can shop for my son! It’s so much more fun shopping for a little one. On a serious note, though… Everything changes in the best way. My Pottery Barn-inspired home now resembles more of a DAYCARE look and I am so down with that!
Becoming a mother has tested me and challenged me but I’ve come to peace with the fact that I simply can’t do it all. I can’t work til 7 PM and get home, feed the baby, bathe him, put him to bed AND cook dinner. I choose my battles these days and yeah, there have been nights where Mac & Cheese or a bowl of cereal will suffice. I’m exhausted and I can’t keep my eyes open past 10 PM on a good day. I was asleep by 9:30 PM yesterday… A SATURDAY NIGHT! Good thing I went to sleep early because little did I know the night we were about to have. Nate came down with a little fever overnight again and only wanted to sleep in my arms. Between taking his temperature fifty million times, putting him to sleep every other hour, giving him some warm milk at 2:30 AM, setting up the Frida Baby Humidifier in the dark of the night and as quietly as possible so I didn’t wake him, and trying to fight my internal battle to only give him as little Infants Tylenol as possible to ease his discomfort (because I don’t want to pump him up with medicine)— I didn’t sleep, basically. God bless Joey who went to Starbucks and brought me breakfast this morning because Lord knows we needed it.
My house is a mess. A MESS. If you know me, you know my house is always tidy and pretty and a disorganized living room is not my scene… But picture this: Laundry basket full of clean, unfolded baby clothes that has been sitting on top of my dining room bench for about 3 days now, Bumbo seat, dirty bib, 2 bottles and three Mac laptops laying across our kitchen island (1 work, 2 personal… WHY DO WE NEED SO MANYYYYY)!!! Harley hair EVERYWHERE, clean dishes piled up in the rack pending to be put away, open Friday Baby Diffuser box on my dining table, mail, packages, shopping bags and a suit case still filled with clothes from my trip to Orlando IN OCTOBER. Send Help! LOL! Here’s the thing— I either stayed home all weekend cleaning up or I went out with the family and enjoyed our weekend together and spend some much-needed quality time that we don’t get to enjoy during the week.
So, mama, if you’re reading this and your house is a mess, your dirty laundry is piling up and you’re still in your pajamas… You are not alone! We are in this together; to vent, to cry, to cheers with coffee mugs too! Because despite the horrid mess around me, there’s a sleepy baby beside me smiling as he’s dreaming and I am telling you— this is the life I always dreamed of. Nothing else matters.
Alright, I am off now because I really do need to clean up. There’s nothing that I love more than starting my week with a clean house that smells of Bath & Body Works candles and Fabuloso lol!
So, I leave you with this:
Hold yourselves to a standard of Grace and not Perfection.
Embrace the simple joys of life.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith— and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” —EPHESIANS 2:8