You know— it still surprises me to this day how many things other mothers talk about and how they tend to leave out most of the important stuff. I’ve learned so much about parenting in these past three months and most of it was from experience, not because I heard it down the grapevine. One of the things I was least informed about was how different your body looks postpartum. Yeah, people will tell you that ‘your body changes’ and that your hips and boobs get bigger, but it’s not as nonchalant as it sounds. It is a drastic change, my friends. And while I don’t want to scare you (if you are expecting), I want to prepare you! I was not prepared for the change and it took me some time to acknowledge just how truly beautiful this new body really is. It took me a minute to feel confident again. I want my son to know something about this body, because it fought so hard for him.
This body that carried you, my son, for 41 incredibly wonderful weeks… This body did that. The stripes that now hug these new love handles are just a symbol of how my hips widened to give you the space you needed for comfort. Those stretch marks that adorn my lower abdomen remind me of every kick and roll I felt while you were in me— growing ever so swiftly. Those marks along my inner thighs are there to show how these legs held me up while my body grew bigger in such rapid time. My God, how great my body did, though!
Those 9+ months sure came and went rather quickly… And yes, naturally my body changed, but I am damn proud of it. I am proud of every inch of it, though there was a brief moment in time when I felt like a stranger in it as I looked at my new skin in the mirror. But I am not a stranger to it anymore. We’ve become well acquainted. This body of mine carried you, nourished you and birthed you, and that is something to be proud of. These breasts of mine– now fuller and marked with a few tiger stripes, nursed you since you were born… And while it’s been a challenge lately to produce sufficient milk from them (though it’s purely my fault), I keep at it each and every day and continue to try my best— because I want the best for you, my boy!
My c-section is not a scar, it’s a site of celebration. It is the place where you were born from. To think you grew big and healthy in my body and then that same body gave life to you, my son— it is a miracle and a blessing. This season of my life is by far my favorite. To watch you flourish into your own has been one of the greatest joys I’ve ever experienced. To know and understand that it is not a right to bear a child, but a gift. To know the miracle of life is something bigger than ourselves, makes me feel so humbled and grateful. I am so thankful to God for giving us the gift of you. You… The you we longed for when we prayed so hard for a child. The you that I dreamed of from the moment I met your father. The you that we searched for in our deepest conversations. The you that I cried for when life didn’t go the way I imagined it would. But my son you were worth the wait, the tears, the fears, the fight. You were worth the time… And I’d wait for you a hundred more lifetimes if that’s what it took. You are worth EVERYTHING and I’d give my life for you; I’d give it all up for you without any question or reservation.
You’ve brought me the kind of confidence that I never knew existed. It is something that nobody warns you about and certainly not one I imagined, but it is the sort of feeling that only a mother knows.
Becoming YOUR mother has and will always be my biggest victory and you are the beginning and the end of it all.
Love you today, tomorrow and every minute in-between.